Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides

別拿自己的內(nèi)在和別人的外在來攀比

The first time I heard this excellent, if hard-to-implement, advice, I was suffering from a terrible case of envy. Some competitor or other had achieved an inspiring degree of success and I was complaining to a mentor about how unachievable it seemed to me. Her warning took me aback: Look, she told me, You have no idea what it took for them to get there. Don’t act like this was unearned, effortless, or pure dumb luck.And for Pete’s sake, don’t go thinking that because you read the press release, you have a single clue about what’s really going on behind the scenes.

我第一次聽到這個(gè)優(yōu)秀的、但卻難以實(shí)施的建議時(shí)，我剛好在經(jīng)受一種可怕的嫉妒。當(dāng)看到一些競(jìng)爭(zhēng)對(duì)手或其他人取得了令人歡欣鼓舞的成功時(shí)，我就向?qū)�師抱怨在我看來是如何無法實(shí)現(xiàn)的。她的警告使我十分驚訝：看，她告訴我，你并不知道他們?yōu)楂@得成功付出了什么。不要總覺得這是不勞而獲、毫不費(fèi)力的，或者純粹的狗屎運(yùn)。不要再那樣想了，因?yàn)槟阋豢催@個(gè)消息的時(shí)候，你就只想到了一點(diǎn)，而不會(huì)考慮到他們背后發(fā)生了什么。

She was absolutely right. I knew better, yet in the moment that I’d heard the news, I fell prey to reactive thinking and over-simplification. Because it’s much easier to look at someone “up there” and envy what they’ve got than it is to ask the tougher questions:

她是絕對(duì)正確的。我其實(shí)知道，然而在聽到消息的那一刻，我卻成了反動(dòng)思考和過于簡(jiǎn)單化的犧牲品。因?yàn)榭吹絼e人達(dá)到目標(biāo)、嫉妒他們所取得的成功時(shí)，更容易做出這樣的反應(yīng)，而不是反問自己一些問題：

What do they have that I wish I had?

他們擁有什么我希望擁有的東西？


What do I admire about them? What are they modelling for me?

我羨慕他們身上的什么？他們給我做出了什么樣的榜樣？

What have they done to get where they are today?

為了今天的收獲他們付出了什么？

How does this relate to my own values?

這點(diǎn)是如何與我自己的價(jià)值觀相關(guān)的？

When we reflect on these questions, we shift immediately out of comparison mode and turn inwards, to face the heart of the matter: our own desires and fears.

當(dāng)我們反思這些問題的時(shí)候，我們就會(huì)立即從攀比的模式當(dāng)中切換回來，面對(duì)我們內(nèi)心的問題：我們的渴望以及恐懼。

Transform comparison into celebration

將攀比轉(zhuǎn)換成祝賀